The Sweatshirt Situation, Part I

It all began about a month ago.  I try not to notice Seth.  Giving him the slightest bit of attention only draws out that which I do not want to get involved in.  Stories of familial drama and history, comments and criticism on, well, just about everyone and everything, descriptions of health crises, both past and present, the list goes on and on (as do the stories).

 But it would be hard for anyone not to notice that Seth had been wearing the same bright red Aeoropostale sweatshirt to work everyday for about two weeks.

Seth is my boss.  When the temp agency told me that the man I would be interviewing with was more interested in personality than resume/actual work experience, I was overjoyed!  I had been a College Grad for almost an entire year, had sent out around 9,600 resumes and was at a point of desperation.    As my friend Gil continued to encourage me to consider the sex industry, I was ready to accept anything that did not involve nudity.  Or worse, Lucite heels.

What I should have taken as foreshadowing, I instead saw as my great, Big Break.  I now know, that if a company has minimal interest in your work experience, the job is probably something an untrained chimpanzee could accomplish.

Anyway, the details of how I got here are a story for another day.  Back to Seth and his sweatshirt.

I'll admit I noticed immediately when he wore the sweatshirt two days in a row.  But I didn't think too much of it, it's a common enough occurrence.  Maybe he had woken up late and grabbed the first thing he saw.  Maybe he (shudder) had a booty call the night before, I don't know! The point is, it didn't affect me much.

But then he wore it again the next day.

And the next.





And the next.

Then it was the weekend.  Monday rolls around...

The sweatshirt returned.

Now  I am more than a little curious.  What exactly is going on here?  Thus far in my time under the employ of X Company, Seth has been, yes, extremely annoying and in no sense normal, but he did have normal hygiene.  He always appeared clean and well-dressed in a casual way, and always rotated through his choice of tops. 

Speaking of which,  I knew it had nothing to do with a lack of options, as he frequently made online purchases from Aeoropostale ("They have free delivery!") and would tell me about them, then show his new and exciting items to me when they were delivered to the office.

So I know he's got options.  Lots.

I have kept the issue to myself until this point.  Maybe he's stressed preparing for his trip to his Dad's over Christmas.  But when Christmas passes, and Seth returns to the office, so does the sweatshirt.

By now, the insanity of the situation is driving me, well, insane!  Seth is exhibiting no displays of anything being out of the normal, and this is the guy who freely discusses his Crohns disease, his former experiences with AA(thereby defeating the "Anonymous" part of that abbreviation), getting up in the middle of the night to pee, and all of his deeply personal family drama.  So if something weren't right at home, I'd know.

My time at my desk (The Corner of Despair) is now spent pondering the Sweatshirt Situation.  Solving this particular mystery is all-consuming. I  begin discussing the issue with  my co-workers (NO help) and friends who have never even met the guy.

But nothing.  There is simply no explanation.  Desperation takes hold as I sit and think, "I just need to know WHY?!?!"

Gil tries to suggest ways I might just ask him about it.

"Say, 'I've noticed you've been wearing that sweatshirt a lot lately. It must be really comfortable!' Or, 'Is that your new favorite? I've noticed you wearing it a lot'."

But there is no way I can do that.  Far too awkward.  So I silently stew, going crazier by the minute.

On the Tuesday of the third week of this, I realize what the only logical next step for me is.  It's time to place some bets.


Sitting in The Corner of Despair, I text my co-worker Carlos offering a friendly wager on the sweatshirt.  He agrees, but only if he can bet that Seth WILL be wearing the sweatshirt.  This is obviously where the odds lie, and I am hesitant to accept.  As I will explain later, Carlos is not the type you want to have anything over you.

But a part of me thinks, he's worn the sweatshirt for 11 days in a row (that I know about; 15 if he's wearing it on weekends also).  This can't go on forever, maybe today will be the day he makes a change!  I accept.

And so, I am very anxious when Seth finally arrives in the office at his usual time (15-20 minutes late), and takes off his coat to reveal....


.....to be continued.